So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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