How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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