This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
