under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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