even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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