so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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