I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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