So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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