I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So much rum. So many feels.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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