Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
