I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
