i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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