So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
