I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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