Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
