the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
