Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
