woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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