im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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