Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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