32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pooping to opera.
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