You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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