Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
