The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
