someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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