remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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