Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
