I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize