Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
