I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
