Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
