i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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