my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I still have a little drunk in my system
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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