that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
