why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
