The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
