The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
