She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
