she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
