piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone threw a dead crab at me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
