mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
