If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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