Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
