Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Girls should come with a carfax report
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
