obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
