his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
