Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You don't make any sense
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