they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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