that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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