You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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