we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
