If that was your dad, he is hot
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
