This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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