Kiss
Puke
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
