all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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