There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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