Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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