There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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