What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
worst night to have a conscience
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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