How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
