Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
