So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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