I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
