I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Less talking, more tequila
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
