Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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