I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
