she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
