Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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