I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
