I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
