If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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