I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
