They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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You made out with two different species that night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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