I wish I only lived at night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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