Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
