it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
smell my finger.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
