Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
