Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
