Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
