So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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