Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
