My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
