Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
