Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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