Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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