I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Drake has all the answers
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
