Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
