sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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