i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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