is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
